It's !%#!$@ cold here

It’s pretty cold here and I do not think that I can survive these arctic conditions. What is up with this white stuff falling from the sky? I think I heard one of the locals here calling it “snow”. It’s kind of neat and interesting… but I fear that “interesting” won’t be enough to keep me alive here in this barren winter wasteland. My body is supple and tender and weak and has been ripened by the California sun.

Even now, I can envision how in the not-too-distant future walking between the parking lot and the hospital will become an epic yet daily struggle between life and death. Already the piercing winds cut through my dress pants like a hot knife through butter, except that the knife is cold rather than hot and the butter is actually a metaphor for my pants.

Anyways, semantics aside, I’ve gone and bought myself some long underwear or “thermals”, as I’ve been told is the preferred terminology. I actually only have thermal pants right now but they will have to do.